Here are the true titles of the new cabinet as dictated to Paul Kehoe by Enda Kenny last week. For the purpose of political correctness and Labour members feelings, these titles will only be used behind closed doors;
Lord Taoiseach, High Overlord of the land and Emperor of the West: Enda Kenny
Endas Bitch, with duel responsibility for looking after Endas passport and feeding his sheep: Eamon Gilmore
Financial Baron, and high Duke of Crippling Cuts: Michael Noonan
Minister for closing hospitals and degrading the sick: James Rielly
Minister for making sure big farmers continue to vote blue: Simon Coveney
Token Minister who can speak Irish: Jimmy Deenihan
Minister for selling our nations forestries: Pat Rabbitt
Minister for keeping dolers off the live register and on badly run fas courses: Ruairí Quinn
Minister who I need to keep an eye on: Richard Bruton
Minister with responsibility for removing last powers of local authorities: Phil Hogan
Minister for shooting undesirables: Alan Shatter
Minister who we will scapegoat for failing to bring in political reform: Brendan Howlin
Minister for Smugness: Leo Varadkar
Chief whipping boy: Paul Kehoe
Fella we keep around to make the rest of us look bright: Willie Penrose
And we will also give a couple of girls token positions providing they keep their mouths shut and keep the kettle warm.
These are the commands of your high blueness, ENDA.
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