MeHole Martin explains Economics

"Hello, I'm MeHole Martin. You may remember me from such films as 'Cowens Accomplice' and 'Berties Noddin Dog 3'". I'm here to talk to you about econam... eh...ecino...eh...money and shite."

"Not many people know this, but Fianna Fail wisely used Celtic Tiger money for many, many fine projects.

• The River Shannon: We're responsible for that. A fine river that was promised in our 1997 election manifesto.
• RyanAir: Willie O' Dea invented the airplane in 2001 and we've been flying high ever since.
• Rachel Allen: €50 Billion was invested in her education and I think you'll agree it was well worth it. She bakes a fine cake."

"As I am the leader of Fianna Fail, I am responsible for all these good things (Not the bad ones, they were Biffos mistakes). Because of this I am the perfect person to talk to you about ecami...money and shite."

"A recent Red C/Fianna Fail/Eoghan Harris poll found that 99.99% of Irish people believe we did the right thing selling our nations sovereignty and agreeing to bankrupt generations of Irish people to bondholders who have no legal right to even one penny. A recent Brian Lenihan/Womans Way poll found that 112% of Irish people believe closing hospital, slashing investment in education and forcing our youth to emigrate is a good thing. On these polls I am confident that I am the one to talk to the Irish people about....money and shite."

"Don't listen to the false promises of Gerry Adams. Hes from up there in Iceland where things are different. I don't want people like Gerry, Dana and MacGyver coming down from Iceland and teaching my people about fraud. I know we're all at it, but we in Fianna Fail believe fraud should be kept hush hush. Sweep it under the carpet like institutional abuse, partition and Matty McGrath. Bertie had a funny old saying; "If your going to rob Peter to pay off your golf club membership, keep it quite, or Ill cut off your balls." That Bertie was a character."

"Heres the thing about money and shite. We're the experts, not you. "

"So your unemployed? Be optimistic. Dallas is back on rte in the mornings."

"Your short on cash? Take up begging. Its tax free."

"Your sick and cant see a doctor? Self medicate. Alcoholism was approved by De Valera."

"Fianna Fail have the answers Ireland."


To vote for Mehole Martin, vote Fianna Fail, Fine Gael, Labour, Greens or don't vote.

To vote for change, vote Sinn Féin.